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One Star Reviews

November 15, 2011 01:39 PM Comments - 2

A few weeks ago a friend of mine failed to ski to the South Pole, the aim to set a new record, but not even making it beyond the coast to bad weather; a costly failure when you consider that a trip up north can set you back by ninety grand, not to mention a years training and preparation; his very own olympic event.

To make matters worse this was his third attempt, the first failure due to a faulty ski binding, the second a broken fuel container.  If no one had known about his plans it would have been easy to just slink off, but with a well designed blog, twittering and vimeo videos going up everyday, it wasn’t going to be that easy.

People often criticize people for sharing their adventures, that it’s all self promotion; but having dabbled with it, on a creative level there is nothing like it for raw communication, and is as unique and valuable as war reporting from the front line. 

And yet even in this age of instant media, were you share everything; once you fail, failure is all your own.

Keeping an eye on his blog, living vicariously, checking it every morning I began to sense bad news on the way, a familiar ‘dream creep’ that happens so often when you try things that you know are beyond you.  Like everyone else watching I hoped for the best, that he would at least have a fighting chance, and we could share in the fight, but it wasn’t to be.

Watching this non event unfold reminded me of an old climbing partner, who always said that you should never tell anyone one about your big climb, as then it was easy to fail; without people knowing you were a failure, and that telling people only jinxed it.  In climbing - just like polar exeditions - many things can change, and nothing is certain: weather, fitness or conditions widening the gap, you and your ambition on one side, reality and success on the other.  Ueli Steck also uses this approach on all his hard solos, keeping them a secret until they are done, only then telling the media and returning to re-climb the route; knowing that the pressure to perform can be terminal, especially when media types are involved.  The bottom line is when it’s your neck on the line, you don’t want anything to cloud your judgment, and TV people tend only to focus on their investment, not yours.

This winter I tried my own dream climb, another solo, only one with no speed records in site, and no multi media angle.  I kept it a secret from just about everyone, only telling the few people I met along the way that it was on the Grande Jorasses, but being vague about which route.  It was a super cold January, and the first crux was just getting all my gear to the bottom of the face, skiing up the Mar de Glase with a pulk; making it feel like an exped from the start.  I slept out on the glacier the first night,  the night as cold as any I’ve had in the alps, even inside two sleeping bags.  Laid there, with just my nose sticking out, I had time to consider what I was about to attempt, the realty much sharper than when laid in bed at home.

The following day, skiing up the Leschaux, dressed in all my clothes, I looked up at the Jorasses and just thought ‘Nah - I don’t think so’, turned around and came home.  I had no one to judge me but myself. 

When my polar friend threw in the towel people where very supportive, his blog comments full sentiments of ‘better next time’ and ‘it’ll still be there next year’, as well as the odd appropriate quote such as: “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” Such support is one of the best things about sharing your successes and failures.

And yet, having had my own miserable failures in the past, I thought that maybe he would be in need of something other than support and understanding, so sent him the following email:

“Do you ever feel like telling all those people who are so bloody positive when you’re dreams don’t turn out as planned just to f**k off (I do).

Instead I prefer to flagellate myself with the few emails or comments that point out my weakness (real or imagined) and how crap and overreaching I am; finding this is much more healthy in the long run.

Bit like reviews of my book on Amazon - I only read the one star reviews, as I just think the people who gives five stars don’t know what they’re talking about.

Cheers

Andy”

(Note: this appeared last year in Trek and Mountain)

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Hank Caylor pic

Hank Caylor | 11/20/11

looking for BASE jumping content on this blog, I’ve searched and come up with nada. I thought you were a jumper? this is the 1st blog I have ever followed so maybe I’m wrong. oh well, all the best to you Andy.

November 20, 2011
morpcat pic

morpcat | 01/03/12

Having recently returned from a failure I agree with your sentiments - though it’s quite hard to pin down what they are, so I’m just going to make some assumptions and if it’s not what you were trying to say then oh well, too late…

It definitely is much easier to return from a failure when nobody else knows about it. In both cases you still have that nagging self-doubt, but with a publicised goal you get the additional burden of everyone asking “how did it go?” and having to explain yourself over and over. I think this process of having to repeatedly explain myself to all these people has reinforced my faith in my decision-making (if you say something enough times it’s true right?) but if I have to say “yeah the trip was great, really cold, oh and we didn’t make it” any more times I’m going to start wearing thin. I think not wanting to face a crowd in defeat like this can also add undue to pressure to people on the verge of turning back - and it really shouldn’t be something that factors into the decision.

I think in future I may have to adopt the advice of not telling anyone. It certainly removes some of the pressure not to fail from the equation, which can only be a sensible thing. If you’re happy with the decision to turn back, that should be enough right?

With regards to the email you sent, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. The kind of person that would undertake such a serious expedition (and have the wherewithal to attempt it three times!) doesn’t need to be cosseted and reassured by hundreds of people. Positivity is all well and good, but a failure is still a failure at the end of the day and they of all people should be able to accept why it happened and come to terms with it. 

 

 

 

January 03, 2012