Performancing Metrics

When Hell Freezes Over

Warning - this video contains strong langue and images of climbers in distress

I've long been a fan of the film Swimming to Cambodia where Spalding Gray does his one man show, just him, a stage and some images. Maybe I'm up my own arse, but I thought I'd get Hot Aches to film one of the final shows I did on my tour.

I'm told this DVD is very funny, but I've never watched it, and probably never will, as I'm too scared that I'll watch it and think "What a knob head".

BLURB

Andy Kirkpatrick is one of the mountain world’s big hitters: Winner of the Boardman-Tasker Award for his 2008 top selling book, Pyscho Vertical; prolific writer, gear guru, film maker and of course, a rather adventurous climber. But it is through his stand up shows that Andy is probably best known to the public.

Using video, music and a unique sense of humour, Andy details one of the most treacherous mountain ranges in the world, giving the audience a taste of what it is like on an expedition; being trapped on mile high summits in hurricane winds, buried by avalanche, or being pushed close to hypothermia whilst lashed to the side of a mountain.

Filmed live at Stornoway in December 2008, this DVD packs a full-on 100 minutes of the very best of Andy tale’s and humour. It is quite simply hilarious.

Film length: 110 minutes

Promo

When Hell Freezes Over - Trailer from Bamboo Chicken Productions on Vimeo.

Psyche

Not wanting to blow my own trumpet but the best bit on this ubber cool film from Al Lee is mine and Ian's Patagonia Winter instalment, due primarily to the fact there's no climbing on it!

I think Al is one of the most talented climbing film makers, and in Patagonia winter this highlighted as he takes hours of footage where nothing happens, a minute when something does*, and a bunch of great photos, and produces what Yvon Chuinard described as one of the best climbing films ever.

Patagonia winter stands out as a testament to Al's skill as a film maker, and the simple humour of two climbers on the edge of a nervous breakdown<.p>

BLURB

Produced by multi-award winning film maker Alastair Lee. Alastair is renowned for his innovative camera work and creative editing and rates this latest production is his most spectacular yet. Incorporating the best of British climbing featuring Steve McClure, Andy Kirkpatrick & Ian Parnell and Dave Birkett. The three main films on the dvd are;

MAGIC NUMBERS (sport)* Steve McClure is Britain's most accomplished sport climber as the awesome action footage in this mini profile demonstrates. Featuring Steve on his many 9a's at Britain's steepest limestone crags including his latest Kilnsey crimpfest. Plus an 8c first ascent and an 8b flash during the late hours of a French climbing festival, party! (26mins)

PATAGONIAN WINTER (alpine)*Andy Kirkpatrick is a pioneer of winter climbing in Patagonia with many hair-raising ascents to his name. This hilarious film documents his latest Patagonian horror show; an attempt at the first winter ascent of Torre Egger with fellow alpinist Ian Parnell. (31mins)

SKYE WALL (trad)* Dave Birkett goes in search of his dream line in the remote setting of Skye's famous Cuillin Range. This stunning and gripping adventure results in one of the year's most significant first ascents; Skye Wall E8 6b. (20mins)

EXTRAS

Andy Kirkpatrick's Survival Tips

Ian Parnell contemplates Mountaineering

Ste Mac's Rainshadow uncut

Dave Birkett Cam Crag E9 First Ascent

Pembrokshire E9 repeat by Bikett

Canadian Chaos - madcap Canadian crags road trip by Aaron Mooar(20 mins).

Promo

Cold Haul

Winner of lots of awards (but I can't remember which)

The first film I ever made and by far the hardest, as me and Ian Parnell had to learn the art of film making on the job (climbing what had been advertised as Europe's hardest big wall). Things weren't helped by us dropping the camera 400 metres (it survived!), or the effect of falling rocks on the lens (the camera went in the bin afterwards). Never the less - and even though I'm in it - I know of no other film in English that captures the raw reality of doing a winter big wall*, although watching it makes me think we had more fun than we thought at the the time... well when the camera was on anyway

*It was turned down by BANFF for the low quality of the camera work.

BLURB

British climbers Andy Kirkpatrick and Ian Parnell attempt the notorious 'Lafaille Route' on the West Face of the Dru. Filmed in the depths of winter, revealing insight into life at the sharp end for two of Britain's most committed alpinists, as they battle their way up 1000m of sheer granite, on a rollercoaster of emotions. This is a true alpine film, capturing the spirit of big wall alpine climbing in winter. Whether you are a hardened alpinist or just love stunning mountain scenery, there is something for everyone in this film.

Review

Fellow Brits Andy Kirkpatrick and Ian Parnell make the second ascent of the Lafaille route on the West face of the Dru (A4, Scottish VII) in winter. The DVD features a lot of hard aid climbing, mostly in bad weather.

The best thing about this film is what it’s not. It’s not some huge staged production. There are a ton of those out there already. Often shot with a dedicated camera crew in fantastic weather. Complete with staged shots of people taking leader falls and stepping onto virgin summits. All the while clad in brand spanking new gear provided by the film’s sponsors. And, in the time it takes you to say “Team North Face” you have a climbing film – albeit a formulaic one.

This big production approach is the antithesis of “Cold Haul”. The film is what you get when two guys and a couple of video cameras try something hard without a bunch of other people along to do the filming for them. Predictably the film quality suffers as a result. It’s hard to take good footage when you have to concentrate on the business of actually climbing and, in some cases, being scared stupid all at the same time. To me this makes the film ring that much truer. It certainly echos my own winter climbing experiences.

There’s a lot of tent footage/portaledge of Ian and Andy trying to keep their spirits up in less than ideal conditions. Which is pretty much the crux of alpine climbing – persistence. Wet gear and insufficient food day on day just grind you down. The dry Kirkpatrick humour is in full effect, especially when cooking. Not that there aren’t some good shots of the pair in action in both good and bad weather. There are also several interesting extras including an interview with Lafaille.

Like the other reviewer (below) I struggled a bit with some of the editing and actually using some of the interactive features of the DVD. Having said that, the authentic nature of the footage more than makes up for this.

Review from ademiller.com

Hard XS

“The desperate, the dangerous and the downright bizarre, a true compendium of the brightest and best in British climbing. I loved it.” Ed Douglas - Climber Magazine

An eclectic mix of short films from two great film makers (Ben Pritchard and Rich Heap), this DVD contains Suffering Andy, a film that follows me around Scotland doing talks and climbing. When I introduced this film at the Sheffield film festival a few years back I said that I hated this film, which I know really hurt Rich's feelings. I'm not surprised as it is in fact a lovely little film, with some great climbing shot on the Ben. What I hated about it was me, as I didn't like the way I came across, looking overly obsessed with death. This was due to the fact I was heading off to try and solo the Troll wall in a week or so

Anyway if you find this bit Rich I always thought it was a great film... I just find it hard to watch.

BLURB

An amazing 8.5 gig disk full to the gunnels with what makes UK climbing UK climbing from the men who brought us Hard Grit.

10 short films >> that provide a rip roaring ride in to the heart and soul of the British climbing experience. Travelling far and wide across our magical isle we've searched out the best climbers on all types of rock in all sorts of peril. Whilst full of first ascents and hard core fear the films also offer a rich blend humour and touching observation. It's vintage Slackjaw.

Hombres caught in the act include Steve McClure, John Arran, Pete Robins, Nic Sellers, Tim Emmett, Chris Cubitt, James Pearson, Ian Parnell, Gaz Parry, Dave Thomas, Neil Gresham, Sam Whittaker plus many more.

Includes OverShadow 9a+, Great White Fright HXS, Breakaway HXS, Extinction E8 6c, Equilibrium E10 7a, The Zone E97a, Make it Funky 8c, Clyde Font8a+, Bobby's Groove 8a+, Pic 'n Mix M9, Appointment with Death.

Comes with Suffering Andy our profile of the uber loon and alpinist Andy Kirkpatrick. Winner Vancouver Mountain Film Festival