February 29, 2020
I had someone email me yesterday asking how you overcome a broken heart. It’s a tough question to answer, funny you should ask, but maybe when you’ve broken hearts, had your heartbroken, and broken your own heart, and take these things seriously now, it’s a little easier to do, as you get to see it a little more from all sides (the answer is less psychological and more physical, more like the answer you’d give when asked how to fix a broken back or the stump where a leg had been). One of the points I often try and explore is how often we put all our own shit at the feet of others, that our problem is them when really our problem is us; how often we ask to be treated like shit, accept it, allow it to happen, that deep down it’s all we think we’re worth. Fundamentally we are not fully fleshed out, we don’t know all our lines, we only know the lines we’ve heard others speak, on TV mainly, all life a soap, the: “But I love you” and “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”, play-acting saying something meaningful without meaning anything. All the rest is improv. The biggest question I generally ask myself, as like most people I’m trying to instal my updates, is how much can we really change? Can a woman who’s been treated like shit all her life somehow get a grip, or is she just able to play a new part for a while, knowing all the while it’s an act? If someone is an asshole or forever a martyr, it’s hard to change, that, or as easy as transplanting a human head on another body. Yes, you can be thrown from your axis by some traumatic event for a while, such as that broken heart, or a tragedy that makes the walls of the theatre of life crumble, be changed, see the light, find God, go off carbs etc., but how long can you keep it up, how long until you’re reading those lines again? It often seems that if people do change it’s for the worse, they give up fighting for a better part. Yes, it’s all mind mumbo-jumbo I know, the human mind a puzzle that’s never meant to ever be solved, only puzzled over if it’s even a puzzle at all, or just the way it is, like a Rubrics Cube where all the stickers are black.