Cage or Malkovich?

Someone sent me a message the other day, looking for alternative life advice (I’m guessing it was meant for the other Andrew Kirkpatrick, Professor of humanities and languages). I was in a rush, so I just replied with the first thing that came to mind, which – now having a few days to mull over – was actually five-star advice.

“Ask yourself this, do you want to be Nicolas Cage or John Malkovich?”